Books & Free Resources for Divorce Recovery
Create Your Own Divorce Recovery Plan
Step 1: Take our free divorce adjustment self-test/emotional weather report (top right corner of this page).
Step 2: You will get an "emotional weather report" on how you are doing in 6 key areas of divorce adjustment.
Step 3: Stay tuned for e-mails on what your scores mean and what you can do to start feeling better fast.
Step 4: Sign up for a Fisher Rebuilding Seminar(TM)
Step 5: Sign up for individual coaching w/Jennifer and /or the Coed biweekly support group (top right corner of this page) for support until the next seminar starts
Recommended Reading on Divorce
Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends by Bruce Fisher - This is the textbook we use in our 10-week program
The Rebuilding Workbook by Will Limon - This is the workbook we use in our 10-week program
Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow by Elizabeth Lesser
Conscious Uncoupling by Katherine Woodward Thomas
A Healing Divorce: Transforming the End of Your Relationship with Ritual and Ceremony by Phil Penningroth & Barbara Penningroth
The Healthy Divorce by Lois Gold
Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl (not re divorce, but resilience)
For reading suggestions for more specific divorce scenarios, contact Jennifer; she has a library of divorce books.
Groups? Yikes! How do I know if I'll be a good group member?
Empathetic: You’re able to put yourself in the shoes of people with different backgrounds and experiences and feel for their experience.
Good emotional intelligence: You’re able to read others and adapt accordingly.
Reliable: You show up to group consistently (every group if possible), on time, and prepared (with homework done).
Communicative and Open: You don’t mind sharing vulnerably in a safe group. You are willing to share in a group communication app.
Curious: You’re curious about people and why they do things, including yourself.
Open-minded: You’re willing to see things from different perspectives and release blame.
Parenting Resources
Suggested Reading to Help Kids with Divorce
Co-parenting 101: Helping Your Kids Thrive in Two Households after Divorce by Deesha Philyaw & Michael Thomas
The Truth About Children and Divorce by Robert Emery
Dinosaurs Divorce by Marc and Laurie Brown - Excellent resource for talking to kids about divorce
Jennifer's Tips for Parenting During and After Divorce
•There are different strategies for telling/helping children at different ages. This book gives suggestions for having conversations with children of different ages.
•Don’t overshare details of your divorce, or who did what, with children; explain how divorce will affect the kids in a practical sense. Reassure them you’ll always love them and be there for them.
•Do not speak negatively of your spouse to the children, and don’t use them as your support. Kids have their own stages of grief to work through, and it isn't healthy or practical for them to support parents.
•Don't ask your kids to talk to the other parent for you & don’t ask them to spy on your ex for you.
•Use consistent, fair discipline and maintain routines (firm yet flexible "dolphin parenting"); kids need the structure and normalcy.
•Watch out for danger signs (withdrawal, personality changes, school changes, depression, intense anger) and consider hiring a child/adolescent therapist.
•Be open & understanding as they experience grief & anger. At the end of each Rebuilding chapter are insights about children and divorce; read up on this as you do your own divorce recovery!
Creating a Parenting Plan
A parenting plan outlines how separated parents will raise their children. It is required by family courts in divorce cases and often required for other types of cases involving child custody ("parenting time"). When possible, parents should try to agree on a plan since they know their children best.
A parenting plan must indicate for each child:
Legal custody details
Physical custody details
A visitation schedule covering vacations and holidays
Health care details (often required)
Additionally, the following information is often included:
Education plans
Extracurricular activities
Child care details
Child support details (Some states don't want this information in the parenting plan.)
College expense responsibilities
How parenting disagreements will be resolved
Additional Helpful Links
List of Colorado Courts Self-Help Centers; the one in Fort Collins is very helpful!
Colorado Judicial Branch – Family Forms & Information
Psychology Today website: While divorce recovery is not a specific topic of emphasis, the site has a “Relationships” section with lots of helpful ideas. There is also a “Find a Therapist” section.
Parents Without Partners (PWP), the largest international nonprofit membership organization devoted to single parents and their children.
Divorce Magazine’s online site is packed with divorce-related information and support.
http://www.divorcesource.com : With an emphasis on legal issues, provides links for parents’ rights, domestic violence, publications, bulletin boards, and chats.
http://www.divorcenet.com : Has a number of chat support groups, an attorney resource center, and a state-by-state listing of legal provisions, as well as bulletin board discussions on a number of topics.
The National Stepfamily Resource Center’s site offers access to a free, video-format, research-based interactive program featuring ten common challenges in stepfamilies, plus useful information on parenting, stepparenting, co-parenting, and managing a healthy partnership.
